My friend Bobby came over one afternoon with a vague idea for a short film. He was itching to write something in the fantasy vein, so we hastily threw together a few characters: a princess, a dashing hero, a wizard, and a sorceress with a devoted lackey.
After two outlines, we moved into scriptwriting with a plan to film it ourselves over the summer. Ultimately, that didn’t happen, but the character of Sir Reginald Rosy was born! Below, you’ll find a copy of the screenplay in PDF format and our two outlines. Enjoy!
Every thousand years, the Torch of Time, which resides deep in the forest, ignites! It will lead the way to the Hearth, where lies immeasurable knowledge, power, and immortality! Kleptunia Noon has studied the stars in anticipation of the torch’s next ignition, and she heads to its location with Scarbarras Tahl.
Mary May Uella, a fairy elf princess, tells wizard Humbler Wobblesteen about this, and that the fairies have ordained Sir Reginald Rosy to carry the Torch. The wizard is distraught that it is not he who shall bear the torch, and he refuses. She threatens to revoke his wizardly powers! He relents, muttering about blackmail.
Meanwhile, Sir Reginald Rosy jousts merrily at the air, regaling his faithful companion Jibber Jabber Jones about the day’s exciting possibilities. Jones mentions a dragon incident that they could check out, but Rosy is immediately sidetracked by a gruff-looking fellow named Garth, whose battle axe is quite shiny.
Rosy quickly justifies a purpose for assailing the brute (who happens to be the nefarious Hamburgler of Hamlin), and Rosy is fiercely fond of pork in all its forms. The battle ends poorly for Garth. Unfortunately, the axe is too heavy.
In the distance, the voice of Wobblesteen echoes. Rosy and Jones wonder about its source until the wizard is upon them. They banter a bit until, after deciding to eat sandwiches while they walk, they depart for the Forgettable Forest.
Kleptunia and Scabarras traverse the forest, confounded by its incredible forgettable-ness. They consult a map, but the forest is merely an empty circle. Mary May Uella appears to them, warning that if they proceed further, she will be forced to intervene! This only spurs Kleptunia on, saying, “We must be close if that weightless wench saw fit to warn us! Quickly, hurry on!”
Back at their picnic site, Wobblesteen storms off, claiming he deserves the torch anyway. He comes upon it but is intercepted by Mary May Uella. She clears his mind long enough to keep him from taking the Torch, and that’s when Rosy and Jones show up, having forgotten why Wobblesteen left and gone to find him (though still eating their sandwiches). Uella clears their minds as well, and Rosy falls head over heels for the elf princess fairy.
The villains arrive and Scabarras seizes the Torch. Kleptunia trails him by a few yards. “Give it to me!” she cries, just as the heroes arrive. Spying Wobblesteen, Kleptunia shrieks and flees (in the form of some animal). The wizard pursues her.
“Unhand that torch!” Rosy cries. “It’s flame is forbidden for all but me!”
“Never! Scabarras Tahl shall defend his lady’s honor! Milady?”
“Ah ha!” Rosy pounces as they fight. He makes jokes and hits on the elf.
As Scabarras falls, it’s the body of Wobblesteen that hits the forest floor. Kleptunia sniffs the air and transforms into a dog, running off.
Rosy leads with the torch (but walks into a tree). Kleptunia races. Rosy and Jones appear before a hearth in a clearing. Kleptunia bursts onto the scene but can’t see the hearth. After arguing with Rosy (she can’t see the hearth) he motions to put the torch in her hand, but Wobblesteen cries out! Kleptunia takes it, and she goes up in a puff of smoke with a wail. She didn’t read the fine print.
Flabbergasted, Rosy stares. Jones starts recording it, and Rosy rushes to the side of Wobblesteen. Mary May Uella appears and joins them. As he dies, Wobblesteen congratulates Rosy on not being a total screwup after all (ignoring that he was about to give the torch to their mortal enemy). He mutters something about maybe possibly being Rosy’s father before he dies.
Mary May Uella comforts Rosy and explains what he must do (as well as explains what happened to Kleptunia). Rosy asks Jones not to record that her demise was purely by accident. He accepts his destiny with the promise that Mary May Uella will be waiting for him after his thousand years of service.
Before walking into the light, Rosy asks Jones for a peek at their legend. Jones reveals that his writings are naught but scribbles and doodles. Jones assures Rosy that he’ll tell the tale himself.
The narrator states that Rosy does his time and reunites with Mary. He finally gets her name right (having all that time to practice) and they live happily ever after.
Notes for additions
Jonesy sings choir-like as Rosy sees Uella for the first time. Wobbly clunks him on the head.
Rosy and Jonesy pat themselves on the back.
Jonesy wants a pig “knuckle” sandwich, and Wobbly is willing to oblige.
The Forgettable Forest
Kleptunia and Scabarras overhear voices. They spy Wobblesteen and his group arguing about which way to go (Wobblesteen starts the fight intentionally, having sensed Kleptunia’s presence). Wobblesteen goes one way, Rosy another (with Jonesy). Kleptunia follows the wizard while Scabarras follows Rosy.
Mary appears to Rosy and guides him—a bit like Batman, vanishing here and reappearing there. Rosy thinks she’s playing hard to get. As he arrives before the Torch, Scabarras makes a pass at it instead. They fight!
Wobblesteen pauses, then turns. He knows he’s being followed! He deliberately led Kleptunia away from the Torch. They fight!
Scabarras falls. Rosy claims the Torch, and immediately it shows him the way he must go. Only he can see it, however. Jonesy follows Torch until coming upon the Hearth. Kleptunia intercepts him and tries to trick him into handing over the Torch. Instead, Rosy tricks her! She takes the Torch and vanishes! Poof.
In his dying breaths, Wobblesteen finally esteems and encourages his son (Rosy). This comes as a surprise to all. Mary reappears and tells Rosy that the doorway to the Hearth of Time is growing narrower. He takes a deep breath, accepts his responsibility, and goes forth! Mary gives him a peck on the cheek and he blushes. The doorway opens and enters. The doors close, the forest looms… transition against a sky. Tilt down, show the silhouetted lovers embracing… Wobblesteen closes out the tale.
The Torch of Time has been lit! Kleptunia Noon, at her hovel, consults the stars and her charts, determining the location of the Torch. She briefly briefs her minions, Klunk and Klobber, and plots to visit the Forgettable Forest in the morning.
In the morning, Wobblesteen puts out a fire and rolls up his belongings. He sets off through the countryside in search of some destination. He arrives at some great eleven arch and seeks the counsel of an elf spirit. He’s told rather vaguely that Sir Reginald Rosy has been chosen to bear the Torch. Nobody knows the Forgettable Forest quite like Rosy, so while the wizard fumes and grumbles, he nonetheless departs in search of his wayward ex-companion.
Jonesy steps out from behind a tree. He heads off to find Rosy, who stands on a small hill looking heroic. After trying to determine their course of action for the day, the run afoul of Garth, have a battle, and meet up with Wobblesteen. They depart!
Kleptunia and her lackeys lounge about, trying to make heads or tails of the useless map. After some clever quips and a little bit of bickering, they all head off again, still no closer to figuring out where they’re going.
Campfire with Rosy, Jonesy, and Wobbly. There’s a little bit of an argument, Rosy’s feelings are hurt, and he trudges off into the woods alone that night. He thinks that by finding the Torch himself he’ll win Wobbly’s approval for once.
The next morning, Kleptunia and her lackeys spy Wobbly and Jonesy and follow them. Wobbly is about to throttle the scribe as he’s playing an awful tune, but then the wizard hears something. He bids Jonesy away and attempts to lure Kleptunia to him.
By sheer luck, Jonesy stumbles upon the Torch of Time! But, Klunk and Klobber show up and start to harass him. Rosy shows up and beats them silly (non-lethal).
During this fight, Kleptunia and the wizard square off. Wobbly’s overconfidence leads to his near-demise.
After clubbing the clobbers, Rosy takes the Torch! He goes comatose, Jonesy worries, but then he’s off! Jonesy chases after him. Kleptunia strides into the clearing, spies her lackeys out cold. In a fit of anger, she turns them into stones! She kicks them into the brush. Sniffing the air, she turns into a dog and follows Rosy’s scent.
Rosy arrives at a clearing with the Torch. Kleptunia arrives as well and tries to coerce him to give it to her. She nearly succeeds, but then Jonesy appears. Losing her patience, Kleptunia draws Rosy’s sword. Jonesy leaps to the rescue and get backhanded. Kleptunia claws at the Torch, but Rosy plays keep away.
Wobblesteen shows up and urges Rosy to beat it. More concerned with Wobbly’s health than the Torch, Rosy hands it to Kleptunia. Everyone is shocked. Rosy runs to Wobbly’s aid as Kleptunia relishes her newfound prop. She cackles with glee until the flame extinguishes. Then something terrible ripples through the air and tears her atoms into ether!
Wobbly is worn out and weary, but OK. Rosy still deduces that the wizard’s concern for him reveals his true paternity. The doorway opens. Light spills out. The voices of the elves beckon Rosy into their realm. Wobbly delivers the news about a thousand years. Jonesy is saddened, but promises to spread the word of Rosy’s legend! The wizard promises to stick around–but he says it like a warm sentiment, so nobody expects him to do so. After all, a thousand years is a long time. Rosy picks up the Torch and walks into the light.
Wobbly and Jonesy walk off together. Above the canopy, time passes. A thousand years later, we tilt back down upon the scene. Rosy steps out with the Torch, looking around. His face brightens at the sight of Wobbly–old, hobbling, and wearing an eyepatch, but still alive! The two embrace and embark on a new journey as father and son.