O, Thou Bloody Crouton!

Well, in the absence of any real updates, I decided to write a poem. I’ve had scant time for anything non-scholastic this month, but this came to me relatively quickly. It was inspired by real (albeit painful) events. Enjoy.

For you poetry nuts out there, this was written in iambic tetrameter with no variations.

O, Thou Bloody Crouton!


In salad fair and lovingly

Disguised as but a square of bread:

Miss Crouton, who most sweetly said,

“Do part thy lips so tender, greet

And with all haste proceed to eat

My simple, lovely, tasty frame.”

And had I known her other name,

Would hesitate a little more

And so avoid this present sore.

But knew I not, so thus I ate

Suspecting to alleviate

The rabid pangs of gluttony.


As fork impaled that loveless loaf,

Miss Crouton sang so cunningly,

“You saved the best for last: it’s me!

So wise in taste my newest friend,

Our future’s bright I do portend.”

She said no more as then I took

The crouton’s life. My senses shook

And carried on as flesh within

Gave way to scarlet down my chin.

What coward, fiend! Oh cruel hate!

Miss Crouton? No, Miss Fortunate—

Who made of me a foolish oaf.

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